Ever since joining this blog, I have found myself flipping back and forth through all 196 pages that have amassed since the conception. I find myself doing it at all hours… looking for something. An answer. One most of us deal with after separation — What next? What do I do next without The Service? Some tell you of the haunting nights, the possible depression, self-doubt… of course, you always say, “Oh that won’t happen to me.” That is until you find yourself sitting up at 3 am wondering you are watching the same late-night TV episodes and every movie on the Netflix catalog.
When I got out for 8 months that I was unemployed I suffered dearly. I slept during the day from pure exhaustion and found myself staring at either the TV, my computer or the ceiling all night long until I fell asleep if I could manage it. Mainly I feel I was looking for the answer to what I felt I was missing that kept me up all night. I also suffered from nightmares if I slept before I was completely exhausted, so I tried to keep myself up as much as possible.
No one person is going to have the same experience of course. You don’t need a degree to know that. I am not an expert of course but the point is that stories help. Knowing that you are not alone helps. By sharing my story, I hope that I can help at least one person. My biggest mistake was that the only person I could admit I had a problem to was myself. I was and still am hesitant to talk to people about things that are going on.
The biggest thing is to remember not to find yourself in such a hole that you turn to paths that lead to nothing good, drugs, alcohol, committing crimes, etc. I know some aren’t as lucky as others. I had the fortune of my parents to fall back on. While I never did drugs or drink, or any of the latter, my outlet was spending every dime I had or received building my truck and going to the gym two to three times a day. Both were passions. My passions kept me from trouble. Being back in my old town, with all my buddies who were doing nothing to stay out of trouble.
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