Well, you done fucked up and now you have an NCO on your back constantly. Your uniform is never clean, your shave isn’t close enough and your face is stupid. Well, I’m here once again to help get you through this thing called the Army.
You Have Limited Options
As you may have noticed, you’re in the military and our country is now in a constant state of war. A horrible boss situation in the military doesn’t work the same as it does in the civilian world. As a civilian, you can just up and quit and go find a new job. That’s only an option for you if your contract is coming up, but more than likely it is not. While you do have options if this NCO is doing things outrageously inappropriate things like sexual assault, ass kicking or dating someone in the Air Force, it’s not the same as civilian side HR. People will most likely tell you to shut up or treat you like the pariah shit bag they think you are. Speaking of which, if you’re reading this and you are in fact a certified shit bag you can stop reading now because you deserve the abuse.
Be a Ghost
Much like I pointed out in my post about Basic Training, being a ghost is key. Not achieving too much or too little will be your savior. Don’t be around if you don’t have to be, and for the love of God don’t keep messing up. Giving an NCO more ammo is the last thing you want to do when you already have a target on your back. This is the smartest option.
Develop an Alter Ego
Developing an alter ego, perhaps one of a 4-star General, is a good route to go. While this has severe repercussions if you’re caught, jail time being the biggest one, you’ve been designated a trouble maker and that’s not going to go away unless you do something drastic. That NCO won’t be an issue once you’ve donned those stars and start ordering people around. Perhaps starting another war in the Middle East will get that NCO’s eyes off of you? This is the coolest option.
Fake Your Death
This, much like creating the alter ego of a 4-star General, can have some negative consequences. If you’re married, you will no longer be in their life; although that might not be such a bad thing depending on how the marriage is going. You’ll also never be able to work for anything other than cash again, since you’ll be declared legally dead; so, maybe you’ll be able to start that semi-pro wrestling career you’ve wanted since you were 12? The point of this one is for it to be convincing but really really awesome. So something along the lines of a bear attack or saving orphaned puppies from a fire will make your “death” too awesome to not be believable. This is the dumbest option.
Whichever one you choose, play it convincingly. That’s the only way you’ll stop getting yelled at and/or picked on. Or, you know, just drink water and drive on.
Do you have a better option for getting an NCO to not be mad at you? Let us know in the comments.
Disclaimer: The content in this article is the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the policies or opinions of US Patriot Tactical.
Latest posts by Mark Wasson (see all)
- Strange Military Traditions – 6 September, 2015
- Why You Shouldn’t Get Caught Up In Conspiracy Theories – 31 August, 2015
- Military Branches: A Satirical Guide To Them All – 28 August, 2015