10 Things You Can Say to a Cop to Ensure You Get a Ticket

One of my favorite T.V. shows is NCIS. Why?  I love Gibbs’ rule, probably because I’ve always had my own set of rules. First, you do not touch me. Touch me and there is a good chance that no matter how bad things are they are going to get worse – for you. Second, I try to never make up my mind to write a ticket until I hear what the suspect has to say. With that in mind I would like to provide a short list of some of the things you can say to almost any cop to ensure you talk yourself into a ticket – or two, or three or…well, you get the picture.

  1. “You’re just trying to fill a quota.” – Nope, they let me write as many as I want. In fact, you just reminded me I want to write another one.
  1. “Don’t you have anything better to do?” – As a matter of fact, yes I do. Unfortunately, I am stuck dealing with you. Believe me I am not enjoying the company any more than you are.
  1. Ticket“Aren’t there any real criminals for you to harass?” Similar to #2, with the added comment that if I have to stop you that in turn makes YOU a real criminal. Maybe not the next Charles Manson or Al Capone but still a real criminal nonetheless.
  1. “Do you know who I am?” Nope, that’s why I am asking for your ID. However, if you are implying that I should know you, I guess you’re not as important as you think you are.
  1. “I know my rights.” Usually this mean one of three things (1) you are pre-law, (2) you are a criminal justice major or (3) you watch a lot of Law & Order reruns. Either way you only know what you think your rights are, but how about using the one that has to do with remaining silent.
  1. “I’ll see you in court.” Great! I go all the time and get paid to do so, and if I’m lucky it will be overtime. You, however, will need to take time off from work and probably hire an attorney. See you soon.
  1. “I pay your salary.” Good, after we are done here I want to talk about a raise. In the meantime, let me give you a little lesson on why I deserve one.
  1. “Bet you’re not so tough without that badge and gun.” You might be right, but we’re never going to find out because I ALWAYS have this badge and gun.
  1. “You can’t do this.” Actually, yes I can. In fact it is what I was hired to do, what I am paid to do and what everyone else expects me to do. Thank you for giving me an opportunity!
  1. “Dude….” It really does not matter what you say after this it’s going to be met with displeasure.  While we are at it the same goes for “Bro.” We do not need to be enemies, but I am not your pal and we are not hanging out on the block.

Now, for one of my favorite sayings as we part ways “Have a nice day!”

Disclaimer: The content in this article is the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the policies or opinions of US Patriot Tactical.

Tom Burrell

Tom enlisted in the US Marine Corps Reserves in 1987. Following service in Desert Storm, he transitioned to active duty with the US Coast Guard. In 1997 he left the USCG to pursue a position in conservation & maritime law enforcement. Tom is currently a Captain and he oversees several programs, including his agency investigation unit. He is also a training instructor in several areas including firearms, defensive tactics and first aid/CPR. In 2006 Tom received his Associate’s Degree in Criminal Justice from Harrisburg Area Community College and in 2010 a Bachelor’s Degree from Penn State University.
Tom Burrell
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3 thoughts on “10 Things You Can Say to a Cop to Ensure You Get a Ticket

  1. See, I have never been a police officer and only have a basic idea of what it is like to be one. With that said, this all seems common sense to me and what I try to tell people. This article just supported my personal stance on dealing with police. When you get pulled over, you don’t have to let a bad cop bully you, but basic respect goes a long way. Especially when you consider that the vast majority of officers out there are NOT bad cops. Take a breath, be polite (not the same as weak), and get it over with. If you feel your rights were violated, use the right to remain silent, get a court date, and fight it. Good article, Tom.

  2. I am the third generation of a four generation police family. I have worked patrol, intel, criminal investigations, narcotics, special ops and organised crime over two plus decades. I have also trained police. My advice to my son when he first joined the job was to treat people with respect.

    Most policing is done by consent. That is, the public do as a police officer asks without the need for force or coercion. Whether it is providing a witness statement, waiting at a traffic point, or any of the many other activities where the public and the police interact every day. If you approach the public with respect (not subservience), you will generally receive respect in return.

    Sure, there are plenty of people who hate the police. You get to see them on tv shows like ‘Cops’. But they are still the minority and young police in particular need to remember that if they treat ordinary folks like career criminals, their own career may end up being shorter than they would like.

    Whenever someone wanted to argue with me about receiving a ticket, I simply referred them to the method for doing so in court. I didn’t argue back or engage in sarcastic banter. I was already having the last word by issuing the ticket!

    I did, however, make sure I made copious notes, just in case the offender was more than just hot air, so that my evidence at court would be spot on, thereby ensuring that he/she not only remembered the time they spent with me on the roadside but also the time they spent in court being convicted.

    It pays to remember that, for most people, their only interaction with the police is when they get a ticket or when they get called up for jury duty. It is a balancing act ensuring that traffic offenders obey the law while also ensuring that jurors do not come to court with an unnecessarily negative view of the police. My 2 cents worth.

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