One of my favorite T.V. shows is NCIS. Why? I love Gibbs’ rule, probably because I’ve always had my own set of rules. First, you do not touch me. Touch me and there is a good chance that no matter how bad things are they are going to get worse – for you. Second, I try to never make up my mind to write a ticket until I hear what the suspect has to say. With that in mind I would like to provide a short list of some of the things you can say to almost any cop to ensure you talk yourself into a ticket – or two, or three or…well, you get the picture.
- “You’re just trying to fill a quota.” – Nope, they let me write as many as I want. In fact, you just reminded me I want to write another one.
- “Don’t you have anything better to do?” – As a matter of fact, yes I do. Unfortunately, I am stuck dealing with you. Believe me I am not enjoying the company any more than you are.
- “Aren’t there any real criminals for you to harass?” Similar to #2, with the added comment that if I have to stop you that in turn makes YOU a real criminal. Maybe not the next Charles Manson or Al Capone but still a real criminal nonetheless.
- “Do you know who I am?” Nope, that’s why I am asking for your ID. However, if you are implying that I should know you, I guess you’re not as important as you think you are.
- “I know my rights.” Usually this mean one of three things (1) you are pre-law, (2) you are a criminal justice major or (3) you watch a lot of Law & Order reruns. Either way you only know what you think your rights are, but how about using the one that has to do with remaining silent.
- “I’ll see you in court.” Great! I go all the time and get paid to do so, and if I’m lucky it will be overtime. You, however, will need to take time off from work and probably hire an attorney. See you soon.
- “I pay your salary.” Good, after we are done here I want to talk about a raise. In the meantime, let me give you a little lesson on why I deserve one.
- “Bet you’re not so tough without that badge and gun.” You might be right, but we’re never going to find out because I ALWAYS have this badge and gun.
- “You can’t do this.” Actually, yes I can. In fact it is what I was hired to do, what I am paid to do and what everyone else expects me to do. Thank you for giving me an opportunity!
- “Dude….” It really does not matter what you say after this it’s going to be met with displeasure. While we are at it the same goes for “Bro.” We do not need to be enemies, but I am not your pal and we are not hanging out on the block.
Now, for one of my favorite sayings as we part ways “Have a nice day!”
Disclaimer: The content in this article is the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the policies or opinions of US Patriot Tactical.